I am sitting on a corner seat…like I always do.
It is a rather pleasant ride, you could say. As a child, I used to love train journeys. They made me a bit nauseous; you know – the to and fro motion? But I am a big girl now.
I checked my watch. It was 10 AM. Still pretty early. We were half-way through to our final destination.
‘Final Destination.’ That was the name of some horror movie, wasn’t it? Sounded quite ominous; to be frank.
‘ Mama look!’
A little child ran down the aisle – pointing outside. It had started to snow. Tiny, shimmering snow-flakes ; falling from the heavens.
Heaven. Who knew if it existed or not in reality?
I did. As a child, my mother used to tell me about heaven and hell and the difference between right and wrong. She was a darling, a shining light. Was. I lost her a couple of years ago to cancer.
And with her death, my last tie to anything beautiful died.
They say that everyone has a dark side. They couldn’t be more right.
But not me. I am an angel.
Ola my lovelies! :)
Today Ladyhawk finally got time for herself. After ages. :)
I’ve been so busy…been caught up with work and personal obligations…with little time for what I love doing the most in this world. Tsk tsk.
But anyhow. I’ve had some time to think for myself. For a person like me…if I don’t have time to ponder…day dream or muse about whatever I want to muse about it drives me nuts. I don’t know about the rest of the world. But I need it. My spirit needs it.
Sometimes I feel that I am so comfortable being alone…that I can lead the rest of my life by myself. Not that I am anti-social. But a part of me craves for solitude and peace. Is that wrong or right?
The past few months…before I started working…it was a different phase in my life altogether. I was out of a job. Alone in a big city. I used to spend the entire day browsing through job sites and the remaining thinking and doing random stuff around the house to keep myself busy and my mind preoccupied. I had a lot of time to kill. Almost 4 months to myself.
What kept me sane I wonder? I think the support from my friends…at least the ones who knew and my mother’s encouraging words…for never giving up on me…it helped a lot. And perhaps my inner conviction as well. Though I was pretty close to tears and losing hope but I managed to keep going on.
People told me to go home. Save money. Leave Bombay.
But I couldn’t. Why?
Well for one, I didn’t want to go home and be indebted to my parents after everything that they have done for me. Two…I knew if I went back home I may never come back. Three…well for the first time in 3.5 years I had time to think. So I decided to hang on…almost used up all of my savings. Thank God I had some savings though. :) I didn’t have to ask anyone for anything.
People may think I am too proud for my own good. That I could have asked others for favours. But that’s not really the case. I just want to do things on my own. Perhaps it is to prove to myself that I am capable enough to be my own HERO!
I still have to write and I still have to publish this one book that I have been working on. That is my life’s dream. Before I am thirty…to get it printed. When will I find the time I wonder?
Anyhow. The reason why I am writing this is because I know there are a lot of us who are stuck in a rut. But I would say hang on. It is tough. But you can do it. Just be strong.
Over and out.
Lots of love, Ladyhawk <3
For Part 2 – refer to this. This is a work of fiction.
It was almost two months since I was discharged. And sure enough, he was upto his old tricks.
Yesterday, I heard him talking to his ‘secretary’ over the phone. He was literally crooning into the phone like a lovesick 13 year old boy. And then I saw him holding a picture of hers in his hand. IN HIS FUCKING HAND. IN MY HOUSE.
I lost it. You know, they are right – when you keep something bottled inside you for too long this is what happens…you tend to explode. So I did. Sue me. I have always had a bad temper.
I picked up the vase next to my bed, walked over to his office and hit him on the head with it.
I didn’t mean to kill him.
Anyhow, long story short, I did. Now I’m a fugitive and all that jazz. Its the weekend so I have plenty of time to dispose of the body and head for the border.
What a pity though. Torturing him slowly, playing with his mind would have been so much fun.
Anyhow. I guess that settles the score.
My doctor wouldn’t agree. He wanted me to test for schizophrenia. Yeah right, Like I mentioned earlier, I am not crazy. The doctor is.
So yeah. Mexico sounds good. I always found Latin American men hot. Time for me to find someone new.
Till I do, adios!
For part 1 – Click here.
I liked the pain. It felt good you know? Running down my veins…easing out of my body. I liked the deep maroon color it had. Like earlier today, when it merged with my white satin dress, the effect was quite spectacular. Until the paramedics came and messed it all up.
Jason had discovered my unconscious body on our white tiger rug.
Jason was so anxious…so worried. It would have been cute had it not been for the fact that he had cheated on me. Not once but many times. With the red-head from work. And the brunette from his tennis class. And perhaps with a couple of the new skirts in office who were always chasing him.
Ah the downside of dating a desirable man who can’t keep it in his pants.
He however, denied all of it. He denied each and every affair. Said it was a figment of my imagination.
Yeah right mister. I imagined all of it, including walking in on him and his flame haired paramour. I wasn’t mad you know. A woman knows what a woman knows.
But still, the cutting helped. There was – sitting next to me; a frown furrowing his handsome forehead. I knew he’d be too scared to act like the flirt that he was for the time being. And by then I would be ready with my strategy. You know. To make sure he would never cheat on me again.
Poor thing. He didn’t have a clue about what was doing to hit him.
I smiled and drifted back to sleep on the hospital bed.
To be continued….
I wasn’t always like this.
Like what, you might wonder?
Well. I was the same physically. The girl with the red hair, the light-eyed girl; the girl next door. I was easy on the eyes they said. Some even said I was beautiful. But what apparently set me apart was my personality. I could make any man, woman or child gravitate towards me in a matter of minutes. That was my power. I had a way with words.
That’s what attracted Jason to me I guess. The first time we met at a common friend’s party, he barely gave me a glance. He was tall, handsome and dangerous. He made my heart beat in a queer, erratic way. So I knew that I had to be careful. That I should stay away.
But alas! I guess even he could not resist me. There I was…sitting with a group of friends, narrating a story when I felt his gaze on me. It sent a chill down my spine, right to my toes and I shivered. I resisted and averted my eyes.
As if he could read my thoughts he walked towards all of us, smoothly and surely; like a panther approaches its prey. He didn’t say anything. I quickly changed the subject and tried to excuse myself from the group. But he was faster than me. In an instant, he was by my side, with two glasses of champagne in his hands.
” Can I offer you a free drink?” He held up both of his hands and grinned. He was so cute. I couldn’t help it. I reached out for his left hand and the rest was history.
(To be continued)
Blue October – Calling You: http://youtu.be/iNyGK7ymW0k
Dedicated to that one special boy. :)