The rat race

India.

The spiritual land. The mystical land. The land of ‘values’ and ‘culture’ and all that jazz.

A land of people who are a part of the rat race.

Jesus Christ!

There are so many of us…sooooo many of us that getting a job is tough. And the kind of job that you want? EVEN tougher.

People work for 14 – 16 hours a day in a lot of places to make more moolah…but that’s what sucks cos you have no time to spend that god damn moolah!

Since we want the West to invest in us, we make our human capital slog their asses off. We are ‘cheap labour’ after all.

Weekends are no longer weekends.

Leaving office on time is a crime.

Saying no to extra work which keeps you from exercising and spending time with your family is a crime. Who cares if I get a heart attack as long as the project is done on time na?

And my generation – which wants work life balance and wants a healthy life is scoffed at – we apparently are ‘lazy’ and don’t want to ‘work hard’. Yeah right. Sorry for wanting a life.

I really feel that its high time that employees in India (I’m talking about the white collar folks – we don’t have to feel guilty about it! NO – we work hard as well! ) started getting compensated for working overtime – the law states so but no one practices this in reality. So we continue slogging away, without being compensated for it. We are expected to go ‘above and beyond’ the call of duty. Every time. All the time.

I go to work at 8: 30 am. I come back by 8 – 8:30 PM. I don’t really have time to do anything else. Its exhausting.

I wish there was a solution to this.

Life isn’t all about work you know. When I die, I don’t want my epitaph to read – ‘and so ended her rat race’. Will have to do something about this.

Over and out people…over and out!

Labyrinthitis

Labyrinthitis is an ailment of the inner ear[1] and a form of unilateral vestibular dysfunction. It derives its name from the labyrinthsthat house the vestibular system, which senses changes in head position. Labyrinthitis can cause balance disorders, vertigo, hearing loss, and tinnitus.

Labyrinthitis is usually caused by a virus, but it can also arise from bacterial infection, head injury, extreme stress, an allergy, or as a reaction to medication. Both bacterial and viral labyrinthitis can cause permanent hearing loss in rare cases.[2]

Labyrinthitis often follows an upper respiratory tract infection (URTI).

Ok, so i took all of that out from Wiki. Why am I posting about medical stuff, you wonder?

Well, a day after my birthday I was feeling extremely wobbly and dizzy. Like I was gonna fall down. Plus, I used to get a constant cold almost every other week. It was driving me nuts, so I decided to go to a doctor. Not just any doc. A good doc!!

I have a milder version of this so called ‘invisible’ disease. And it sucks.

Why?

1 You look normal. Healthy. But you feel sick. Like there’s an earthquake below your feet and you cannot control it. Don’t expect people to feel sympathetic. They won’t be. Cos…you look normal!

2. So because you feel giddy, you feel nauseous. You can’t eat much.

3. You start feeling anxious and lose out on self – confidence.

I got my ‘version’ of it, like I call it from a constant cold/cough which apparently caused an inner ear infection.

The doc says I’ll be fine. I just need to take care and build on my immunity and have cod liver oil and vitamin B-complex for the rest of my life, along with walks everyday.

Well, so far I’ve been taking the supplements and they seem to have helped.  Now , from feeling dizzy a couple of times in a day, it happens 2-3 times in a week for a minute or so. Walks…I promised myself I’d be more regular.

And oh – if you are stressed or unhappy, it makes things worse. So don’t get stressed. About anything. It will NOT help your case.

All of you, who suffer from this – don’t worry. I understand your pain. Drop me a note if you want to talk about it.

Lots of love,

Ladyhawk

Tove Lo – Talking Body

It has been a while since I posted some music on this thing. I like this girl. She reminds me a lot of what I used to be (though i was far from being this crazy haha). I am merely reposting as a fan, no claims to this video.

The Angel – Part 1

I am sitting on a corner seat…like I always do.

It is a rather pleasant ride, you could say. As a child, I used to love train journeys. They made me a bit nauseous; you know – the to and fro motion? But I am a big girl now.

I checked my watch. It was 10 AM. Still pretty early. We were half-way through to our final destination.

‘Final Destination.’  That was the name of some horror movie, wasn’t it? Sounded quite ominous; to be frank.

‘ Mama look!’

A little child ran down the aisle – pointing outside. It had started to snow. Tiny, shimmering snow-flakes ; falling from the heavens.

Heaven. Who knew if it existed or not in reality?

I did. As a child, my mother used to tell me about heaven and hell and the difference between right and wrong. She was a darling, a shining light. Was. I lost her a couple of years ago to cancer.

And with her death, my last tie to anything beautiful died.

They say that everyone has a dark side. They couldn’t be more right.

But not me. I am an angel.

Hang in there

Ola my lovelies! :)

Today Ladyhawk finally got time for herself. After ages. :)

I’ve been so busy…been caught up with work and personal obligations…with little time for what I love doing the most in this world. Tsk tsk.

But anyhow. I’ve had some time to think for myself. For a person like me…if I don’t have time to ponder…day dream or muse about whatever I want to muse about it drives me nuts. I don’t know about the rest of the world. But I need it. My spirit needs it.

Sometimes I feel that I am so comfortable being alone…that I can lead the rest of my life by myself. Not that I am anti-social. But a part of me craves for solitude and peace. Is that wrong or right?

The past few months…before I started working…it was a different phase in my life altogether. I was out of a job. Alone in a big city. I used to spend the entire day browsing through job sites and the remaining thinking and doing random stuff around the house to keep myself busy and my mind preoccupied. I had a lot of time to kill. Almost 4 months to myself.

What kept me sane I wonder? I think the support from my friends…at least the ones who knew and my mother’s encouraging words…for never giving up on me…it helped a lot. And perhaps my inner conviction as well. Though I was pretty close to tears and losing hope but I managed to keep going on.

People told me to go home. Save money. Leave Bombay.

But I couldn’t. Why?

Well for one, I didn’t want to go home and be indebted to my parents after everything that they have done for me. Two…I knew if I went back home I may never come back. Three…well for the first time in 3.5 years I had time to think. So I decided to hang on…almost used up all of my savings. Thank God I had some savings though. :) I didn’t have to ask anyone for anything.

People may think I am too proud for my own good. That I could have asked others for favours. But that’s not really the case. I just want to do things on my own. Perhaps it is to prove to myself that I am capable enough to be my own HERO!

I still have to write and I still have to publish this one book that I have been working on. That is my life’s dream. Before I am thirty…to get it printed. When will I find the time I wonder?

Anyhow. The reason why I am writing this is because I know there are a lot of us who are stuck in a rut. But I would say hang on. It is tough. But you can do it. Just be strong.

Over and out.

Lots of love, Ladyhawk <3

Release – (3/3)

For Part 2 – refer to this. This is a work of fiction.

——————————

It was almost two months since I was discharged. And sure enough, he was upto his old tricks.

Yesterday, I heard him talking to his ‘secretary’ over the phone. He was literally crooning into the phone like a lovesick 13 year old boy. And then I saw him holding a picture of hers in his hand. IN HIS FUCKING HAND. IN MY HOUSE.

I lost it. You know, they are right – when you keep something bottled inside you for too long this is what happens…you tend to explode. So I did. Sue me. I have always had a bad temper.

I picked up the vase next to my bed, walked over to his office and hit him on the head with it.

I didn’t mean to kill him.

Anyhow, long story short, I did. Now I’m a fugitive and all that jazz. Its the weekend so I have plenty of time to dispose of the body and head for the border.

What a pity though. Torturing him slowly, playing with his mind would have been so much fun.

Anyhow. I guess that settles the score.

My doctor wouldn’t agree. He wanted me to test for schizophrenia. Yeah right, Like I mentioned earlier, I am not crazy. The doctor is.

So yeah. Mexico sounds good. I always found Latin American men hot. Time for me to find someone new.

Till I do, adios!